YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
