The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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