my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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