ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He passed out mid-signature
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
