I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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