you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
