I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
