Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
