He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
