her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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