OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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