It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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