he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
