My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
