I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
