pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
