He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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