...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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