Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
