making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
