I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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