You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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