You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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