It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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