I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Randomize
