I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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