what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
