Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
