I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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