Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
