Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
