becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How's work?
Spinning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
