I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
