I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
