Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
