And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
