I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
