he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
