then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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