1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
pray to the hookup gods
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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