If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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