I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
