I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
