I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
