We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
