My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
