I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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