Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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