but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
