I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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