I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
