Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
