i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
