Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
