How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
