i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
