Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
