If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
