How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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